Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.

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(512): were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself. http://tfl.nu/ien5

Replies (2) Good night (1868) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
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(347): View more from New York

Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one

(347): View more from New York

Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...

(802): View more from Vermont

do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.

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(347): Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one (347): Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy... (802): do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy. http://tfl.nu/wg4e

Replies (43) Good night (3052) Bad night (816)
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(314): View more from Missouri

My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.

(585): View more from New York

I hate you.

(314): View more from Missouri

To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.

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(314): My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers. (585): I hate you. (314): To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me. http://tfl.nu/wpxa

Replies (23) Good night (3031) Bad night (451)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.

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(612): I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good. http://tfl.nu/ra59

Replies (91) Good night (5917) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
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(352): View more from Florida

im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition

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(352): im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition http://tfl.nu/5ifl

Replies (18) Good night (848) Bad night (5074) Order T-Shirt
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(203): View more from Connecticut

So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore

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(203): So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore http://tfl.nu/h83b

Replies (11) Good night (707) Bad night (5155) Order T-Shirt
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(314): View more from Missouri

Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?

(1-314): View more from Missouri

God gave us a 4 year grace period.

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(314): Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college? (1-314): God gave us a 4 year grace period. http://tfl.nu/2ues

Replies (29) Good night (3820) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you

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(570): If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you http://tfl.nu/x3pe

Replies (14) Good night (3105) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
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(480): View more from Arizona

im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk

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(480): im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk http://tfl.nu/jram

Replies (6) Good night (5030) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
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(808): View more from Hawaii

mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.

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(808): mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done. http://tfl.nu/ufw3

Replies (7) Good night (1891) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
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(440): View more from Ohio

Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.

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(440): Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies. http://tfl.nu/iuff

Replies (14) Good night (2196) Bad night (1698) Order T-Shirt
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(713): View more from Texas

do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?

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(713): do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister? http://tfl.nu/m4fg

Replies (5) Good night (2003) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
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(775): View more from Nevada

They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.

(1-775): View more from Nevada

I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.

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(775): They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy. (1-775): I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere. http://tfl.nu/3byv

Replies (6) Good night (2120) Bad night (443)
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(620): View more from Kansas

And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.

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(620): And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life. http://tfl.nu/jjq6

Replies (15) Good night (1826) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.

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(412): I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing. http://tfl.nu/guzu

Replies (11) Good night (426) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt

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