I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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