You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize