Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize