i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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