I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize