We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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