Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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