I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize