Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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