Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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