Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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