Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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