I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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