I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize