Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize