I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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