didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
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I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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