he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
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I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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