So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
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its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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