accomplished twins. life is a go
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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