Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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