we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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