Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just want nice things and good sex
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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