i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize