If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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