so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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