I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize