That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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