ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
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I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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