who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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