New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's shark week go big or go home
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize