Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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