u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
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I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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