you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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