I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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