My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize