Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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