I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
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she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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