I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dear god my vagina.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize