the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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