can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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