my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize