The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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