I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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