Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize