my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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