I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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