sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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