I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He felt like a one man threesome
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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